Yesterday in my kindergarten class here in China, we were discussing the weather.  We came to the conclusion that it was both sunny AND cold, but with space for only one weather card, we had to choose which one to post on the calendar.  So I took a vote—1 kid voted for sunny, the other three voted for cold.

The student (we will call him Lin) who lost the vote asked me why the other three should get their way.  I told him it was a situation of “majority rules”.  “But what if I’m right?” he persisted.  I told him that the majority always wins in my class.

Lin was not convinced and I could see his point.

I don’t know if pulling the “majority rules” argument is a common classroom management strategy in China—but I’m guessing it’s not.  Just because we learn something as a core tenet of our social value structure in the West does not make it applicable everywhere.

But then again, this country is communist which implies that the people’s will is the way of the government—but I’m pretty sure that’s not really true, no more than the US Congress represents the majority of the people in the US.

So really, both governments are run by people who are not representative of the general populace but who achieved positions of power because they are in some way better at some things than the general populace.  We might even conclude they are smarter than the general populace.

Though Lin was not happy with the majority rule decision, he finally caved after I threatened to take away his recess.

My class, my rules.

Many thanks to the kind folks over at The Displaced Nation for the interview they did with me recently.  The interview can be reached via the link below.

The Displaced Nation Interview

Things are inexpensive in northern Thailand.  One can get a bowl of tasty noodles for $1, a fresh fruit smoothie for $1.25, an hour massage for $4 and in some cases, a hotel room for $5.

Since I am traveling with someone who deserves a certain level of comfort, I opted for the more luxurious $6 room.  Despite having to fork over the additional buck, I can appreciate what we are getting for it–a working fan, clean sheets (most days), WIFI and our own bathroom.

But, there is a problem with a $6 room: Whatever I do or consume during the day inevitably totals up to be more than the price of the room which makes even cheap things seem outrageous.

A plate of pad thai and a foot massage are nice but can they top a full day´s use of a comfy bed and several episodes of The Daily Show?

Is spending a nights lodging on three bottles of local beer a good idea? Note: it is but only after the 2nd bottle.

God forbid I should need some odd western medical device like dental floss–and have to pay our room cost for it.

I don´t recall ever spending less than $75 for a hotel room in the U.S.–and that was on the cheap end of things.  If I splurged and the wife and I both had our own lattes in the morning –courtesy of our friends at Starbucks–the cost would be less than 10% of the room so even that hedonistic indulgence seemed like a reasonable purchase.

Here, if we each inbibed in a Starbucks beverage (there are several locations in town)  they would total more than our room cost.  As you might guess, neither of us will be enjoying a squeeze from the mermaidś teet on this particular trip no matter how loudly she beckons.

Though I try to remind myself that the room is supremely inexpensive (I could stay in this room for three months and still spend less than what I used to pay for one month of health insurance coverage) I cannot bring myself to spend more than $6 for any thing or activity that will last less than 24 hours which means we spend a lot of time in our $6 room–which further raises its value in my eyes since on an hourly basis is is only costing me 25 cents per hour.

And under no circumstances whatsoever should I even think about the fact that since there are two of us using the room cost is actually just $3 per night….

20 November 2010 – Culture shock and forming social connections are the main concerns of expats moving abroad, according to a survey of expats in 22 countries conducted by www.ExpatArrivals.com . But a significantly increased quality of life, better sex and more leisure time make the move well worth it.

Expat life has many payoffs, although increased salary is not among them. Only 21% reported that their salary was significantly better, with 22% reporting their salary as much lower. However, the amount of free time improved for 61%, while social connections (41%) and love lives (47%) took distinctly upward trends while abroad. Stress levels improved for 53%, combined with improvements in overall physical health for 46%. Together these factors contribute to an overall quality of life that 65% of respondents rated better when working and living abroad.

There are challenges though: culture shock was rated by 41% as a significant difficulty to cope with on arrival, and 46% regarded it as the one factor they wished they had known more about before moving. Significantly, only 30% of respondents expected culture shock to be a problem – hence many where caught unawares.

Another main challenge was making friends and social connections. While 45% expected this to be difficult before moving, 52% found connecting socially to be difficult long after the move was made. By contrast, other major expat life issues did not trouble recent expats to any significant degree: healthcare, accommodation, visas and cost of living all failed to feature as concerns.

In planning their move abroad, most respondents found books (58%) and exploratory visits (63%) most useful, with social media sites Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn rated as useful by only 17%. Specific expat information sites however were rated as useful by 45% of participants. Very few people used relocation experts (10%) or expatriate coaches (2%) when executing their move abroad with 71% reporting that nobody assisted them. After arrival, the key resources to facilitate adaptation and overcome culture shock were personal contacts in the expat community (74%) and connections with local people (73%).

ExpatArrivals.com publishes over 100 online destination guides to help global expats plan their move abroad and optimize their lives on arrival. City-based experts works with the editorial team to produce constantly updated information covering 15 main content areas of significance to expats.

Our friends over at Expat Arrivals have put together a short survey about expat life.  If you are an expat and want to get your two bits into the conversation, the survey can be found here.

Expat Arrivals will share the results with us after the survey closes.

Argentine culture is a little different with regards to dating and relationships. Argentines are notoriously passionate and jealous. The women are surprisingly cold at first and the men are very forward and overly romantic in order to break through the cold front. Confused by this arrangement I asked some locals for advice. The pearls of wisdom I gained are “the more a woman says no, the more that she likes you.”  The male philosophy, “Never give up!”

With that mantra in mind, I decided to try my luck with a pretty Argentine girl that I had been quietly admiring in the usual timid western manner through unrequited awkward glances. I would say hello and she would ignore me. At times she was actually mean to me. However, against my better instincts which told me she absolutely was not interested, I listened to the expert advice from my Argentine companions and began to tell myself that she must, in fact, be in love with me.

We would see each other daily in my neighbourhood and I would then recount the cold things she’d said to my Argentine friends and they kept telling me, “Forward, forward, more forward!”    I finally managed to get a cell number out of the ice queen who had become my obsession.

I would send her messages and receive no replies or at best, very short ones. The Westerner in me said “give it up”, but the Argentines would tell me this is a classic game, “she loves you!” A few weeks passed and I managed to arrange a date although I was not sure that she knew what it was yet.

I treated myself to a new haircut before the big day and went to a hairdresser that my friends had recommended. As usual, my broken Spanish successfully managed to put me through yet more embarrassment by letting a classic Argentine mullet form on my head.

Sporting my new mullet I went to meet the Argentine that is 100%-for-sure in love with me. She arrived, to my surprise, holding hands with a girl, a normal Argentine custom—they must be friends.   After we sat down I leaned over and said, “I didn’t know you were bringing a close friend.” She whispered back with a revealing wink, “She’s not just my friend!”

So stuck with my mullet and a broken heart, I learnt to be careful about the advice I take about women and hairdressers in Buenos Aires!

About the author:

Luke Sewell (22) hails from London and now lives in Buenos Aires, Argentina.  He works for Vamos Spanish Academy a Spanish school where you can learn Argentine Spanish as well as organise your travels in Argentina.

Do you have a humorous expat story you would like to share?  Click here.

I am always amazed at how we hear what we want to hear even when speaking a foreign language.

I was a sophomore in college visiting my prospective in-laws in rural northern Japan. This was my first trip to Japan. I had been studying Japanese in university but I wasn’t even close to proficient.

To say my in-laws were TOTALLY against the proposed marriage is an understatement.

I was asking to marry the eldest daughter in a family with no sons. Whoever married Noriko Nomura would take on the family name. At that time Grif Nomura just didn’t appeal to me.

On top of that my in-laws owned a construction company which they wanted to pass on to my future wife’s husband who would become the president or shacho.

An American shacho of a local construction company, which only did government contracts (and was heavily involved in bid rigging which was an accepted practice) didn’t quite compute in their succession plans. Or my career plans.

But looking at all of this as simply a challenge to overcome I approached my prospective father in law, who regarded me with evident disdain, and asked him in Japanese for permission to marry his eldest daughter.

Did I mention my prospective father in law, Rijiro, kind of looks like the head of a yakuza gang?

But undaunted and with a can-do American spirit I pressed on with my request to marry his daughter.

After a lengthy silence Rijiro looked me up and down and said only one word kame (ka-mei).

Hmmm…kame means turtle in Japanese. So I guess he is telling me to slow down? But kind of giving me an AOK…Right? Must be. A little subtle but then Japanese are known to be vague in their communications…

Of course he had crossed his arm in a big “X” but maybe that was simply his way of communicating to me to slow down the marriage process? I can respect that.

Feeling pretty sure that I had made a good impression and was on the right track I said thank you and bowed myself out of his presence.

When I told Noriko about my success, she looked at me and said “Grif, I think he said dame not kame.

Hmmm…crossed arms in a big “X”?  Hmm…dame as in “No Way”?

Hard to believe I didn’t make a good impression or get his approval…I mean what self respecting Japanese father wouldn’t be delighted to have his daughter marry an American?

One evening, many years later when I was visiting them I asked my mother-in-law why he didn’t talk to me (or even acknowledge me when I greeted him as he walked through the living room) and she told me he had been trained as a Kamikaze pilot who didn’t get a chance to attack the Americans in WW2. Hmmm…I can now begin to understand why he said dame and not kame.

We have been married for 33 years now and have four children who are bi-lingual and bi-cultural. We lived with my in-laws for 8 years and my father-in-law ended up giving me a pair of golden chopsticks at New Years…I didn’t know what it meant but later found out he was asking me to be his successor in the business.

About the author:

Grif Frost (53): Lived in France in a brewery at the age of 15. Got hooked on overseas living (and good beer). Married Noriko Nomura who was an exchange student who stayed in our home in Hillsboro, Oregon. Started, built and sold 40+ businesses in Japan. Living the good life in Hilo Hawaii which is part of the U.S. but pretty foreign in many ways. Write about Life Quality Business at www.LifeQualityBusiness.com

I am 35 years old and was born in Newcastle upon Tyne (UK), studied an undergrad degree in Manchester (UK), lived 6 months in Barcelona and then 9 years in London, I finally think I have found myself in the city of my dreams; New York. After many years of visiting New York for weekends of business and pleasure and wishing we could be relocated here, we were offered the opportunity with my husband’s job. Definitely be careful of what you wish for since in my experience it can come true!

How long have you lived there and how long will you stay?  What keeps you there?

Initially we said we would come to New York for at least a couple of years but probably for “as long as we were happy to stay” was the mutual agreement. 3 years on and we are more than happy in the city, my husband’s job is going well, and we are green card holders.  We have one little girl with her dual nationality and another on the way this Fall.

What do you do to make a living?

The majority of my time in the city so far seems to have been spent being pregnant or looking after a small baby, however, I have managed to squeeze in a few freelance projects working on event production, which was my previous life in the UK. Having always enjoyed writing I recently started a weekly blog. I write about things I am passionate about therefore the New York Friday Lunch Club website features my observations on life in the city and all my favorite places to drink coffee, eat cake, drink cocktails, shop for clothes & shoes and to take a mani / pedi – Spas, bars, boutiques and cake, is the theme.

Describe your average weekday and weekend day.

One thing I love about my life in New York is that to a certain extent I am able to avoid routine and able to meet so many different people. The networking opportunities in New York are way beyond those in London. I’m sure it’s the mindset. If I have an average day it involves getting up with my daughter around 8am when my husband leaves for work. I am lucky in that she is not an early riser. On a day when I have work or my website to attend to she will spend a few hours with her nanny while I either have meetings or write. We have landed ourselves an apartment in Soho with a garden, or a yard (it has grass and a tree, therefore I think it qualifies as a garden?) When the weather is fair our afternoons are spent either in the garden with friends or in the parks and playgrounds around the city on playdates. Where possible I try to meet up with my other expat friends with their kids for coffee and lunch.It may just sound like a cliche but looking after children really is a full time job. Weekends involve brunch and family time and when possible escaping from the city and heading to the beach or upstate. I appreciate the great babysitters we have on hand who allow us time to go out on an evening with friends so we can still appreciate the restaurant and bar scene in NY which was the big magnetic pull for us when we first decided to relocate from London.

What skills have you learned while living abroad?

Since being in NY I’ve had the opportunity not so much to learn new skills but to identify and utilize my current skill set that I had nurtured probably throughout my whole life, but had not always used to its full potential. This means putting myself out there when it comes to identifying new freelance opportunities, developing new circles of friends and acquaintances and using my organizational skills to balance some kind of work life with a family life without having my UK family and friends network around me as a support system.

What are you missing (professionally) by not being in your home country?

Maybe I just haven’t realized it yet but I don’t think I am missing any aspect of professional life in the UK.  Since being in the city it has afforded me the opportunity to explore so many new creative and professional avenues in the last 3 years that London would probably not have done.

If you could live anywhere, where would that be and why?

Right now New York is where my husband and I want to be living. If it wasn’t we would leave. We like to imagine that at some point we might have the opportunity to live in Italy, or at least spend a decent amount of time there. We were married in Tuscany and love the landscape, the cuisine, the language, and the culture steeped in the renaissance history just about completes the whole picture.

What is your favorite gadget that makes your work life abroad better?

The Apple brand in general makes our lives so much easier whether it’s watching movies, browsing the web, using social media, listening to music, reading a  book or newspaper – it is all through our Apple gadgets including the  iphone, MacBook, Mini mac, ipad…we will probably end up buying shares in the company.

Do you have a favorite book that inspired you to travel or consider a different way of living?

I’ve always travelled extensively when I’ve had the opportunity and have managed to experience parts of Australia, Asia, Africa, Europe and of course the Americas. Although there isn’t one book that inspired the travel I loved the escapist feel of Driving Over Lemons by Chris Stewart. Originally the drummer in the band Genesis he retired aged 17 and became a travel writer and sheep shearer and eventually moved to a remote farm in Andalucia with his wife, where they started a family.

Do you have a favorite expat blog?

I read many blogs, although not religiously every day. Since fashion is my passion, one expat blog I refer to often is Notes from a Stylist written by Sara Delaney.